How to spice up your sex life when it feels like a chore.
For the Wife,  Sex,  Struggles

What to Do When Sex Feels Like a Chore

As I flush the toilet, I hear my husband say, “Get naked.” There is nothing more sexy than the flush of the toilet, right?

“This is mercy sex,” I said half-joking as I’m undressing. Sometimes sex feels like a chore.

“Awww…,” he said, a little hurt.

“Sex should be inspired, not required,” I said.

“Would a back rub inspire you?” he asked.

“It couldn’t hurt,” I respond back to him.

Fast-forward and I’m sitting with a bowl of ice cream while watching the latest episodes of my favorite TV show. It’s been a long day and I just want to veg-out. But I feel the still small voice of God saying, “I miss you.” It’s been a few days since I’ve dug in and spent some alone time with Him. Almost verbatim I repeat the same phrase to God as I said to my husband:

“Intimacy should be  inspired, not required…right?”

I say it with less conviction than when I said it to my husband. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

Whether with God or your husband, intimacy can be like going to the gym. We are always glad we went, but it’s hard to get motivated to make those first steps.

‘What are you missing? What would inspire you to intimacy?’ something inside me asks.

I don’t have any definite answers because:

Intimacy must live somewhere in between inspired and required.

In order to be inspired, sometimes you must start to “go through the motions” of requirement to get inspired.

Like when you reluctantly start your morning Bible study, but an hour later you find yourself singing at the top of your lungs, dancing around with your four-year-old, telling her how good Jesus is because he lives inside you.

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Intimacy must be inspired too, but It’s hard to gauge what that means for every person, in different seasons of life.

I decided to make a list. And as I do, I start to think about how many people would benefit from this list. In my creative brain I conjure up images of blogging, email campaigns and helping people for Jesus. Through this process, I realize that spending time with God isn’t just for Him, but for my benefit as well. (This is obvious…but not so obvious some days).

There is a reason why the church is called the “Bride of Christ”. Naturally women take a little longer to ‘warm up’ to intimacy. God, like a husband, is always ready to receive us, but we (the bride) always seem to need a little coaxing.

Here are five ways to be inspired towards your husband…or God.

5 Ways How to be Inspired When Sex Feels Like a Chore

1) Don’t Expect it to be Boring

If you expect it to be boring, you won’t do it. No one wants to be bored.

2) Remember the Good Times

We should remember those moments of past intimacy that were amazing. Focusing on the positive outcomes of previous acts of intimacy will drive us toward repeating the process.

3) Learn Your Love Language (And His)

Knowing our love language can better prepare us for becoming intimate. It’s also important to communicate your love language to your spouse and recognize how it affects your relationship with him and God.

4) Forget about Stuff You Have to Do

A laundry list of chores kills my sex-drive and my desire to spend time with God.

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5) Set the Mood

Whether it’s a good cup of coffee (a glass of wine), some candles or a pretty notebook, setting the mood for intimacy is great way to find inspiration.

Final Thoughts

We need to find our own balance between inspired and required intimacy. It takes a little bit of both to enjoy our marriage in our relationship with Him.

We can’t always expect to be inspired to spend time with the Lord or have sex with our husbands. The Bible does say we should submit to our husbands and our body is not our own. The act of intimacy shouldn’t always be based on whether you want to or have time to.  Regular sex is required to maintain a healthy marriage, just as regular time with God is required to maintain a healthy spiritual life.

We might not start off wanting to be intimate, but if we “get naked” anyway, somewhere within required we will find ourselves inspired.

How to spice up your sex life when it feels like a chore.

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