Don't settle for crappy sex when you are married. There are tips and steps to revive your sex life today!
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What To Do When Married Sex Sucks

Sex just like every part of a person’s life has it’s highs and lows.

Let’s not forget that.

You can’t always be on the peak (ha, ha…pun intended)!

BUT…

If you’ve been in a valley for FAAARRRR to long, then something needs to change.

Sex was meant to be enjoyed by BOTH partners. Sex relaxes your body (literally…gives off chemicals that make you feel good). It bonds a husband and wife together. It’s beautiful…or at least it’s supposed to be, right?

And you can’t force yourself to “get the feels” sometimes.

Before we talk about STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO OVERCOME CRAPPY SEX…let’s talk about some legit reasons you might feel like your sex life sucks.

You’re pregnant. Many women feel a surge of sexy-hormones…but many just feel gross and fat. These are not sex-inducing feelings. When we feel gross, the last thing we want is for our husband’s to touch us!

You’re breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a natural libido killer. Your boobs belong to the baby…back off hubby!

You have too much going on. A woman is a complicated thing. Her brain usually operates different than a man’s brain. You’ve heard that men’s brains are like boxes, where as a woman’s brain is like spaghetti. I think this is true EXCEPT…men have ONE spaghetti strand: sex. And women have ONE box: sex. Translation: Man can incorporate sex into ANYTHING. The usually multi-tasking woman can do everything all at once…except sex.

You’ve been fighting or disconnected with your spouse. If you have been fighting, no wonder your sex life suck! I mean, really. Who wants to “put out” for someone they think is acting like a jerk!

Fill in the blank. There are probably a zillion other reasons your sex life sucks. Lack of money, a health issue involving a family member, grief or something else. Ponder a second what else is going on in your life that might be affecting your sex life.

Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s move on to some steps you can take to overcome a sucky sex life.

My Marriage’s Sex Life Sucks, What Can I Do?

Take a Registered Break

I know it seems counter-intuitive, but sometimes if we are struggling in an area, we need to fully step back and evaluate what’s going on. We don’t always need to muscle our way through.

But a registered break shouldn’t be just for the sake of rest, it serves a higher purpose.

The Bible says this:

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5 New Living Translation (NLT)

If you didn’t know, God created sex…I know mind-blowing. So, what better way to figure out what is going on in the sex department than to ASK THE ONE WHO CREATED YOU, HIM AND SEX!

The rules of a registered sex break for a husband and wife are:

  • Both agree to refrain
  • Devote yourself to prayer (in this case, about your sex life)
  • Limited time

Create a Sex Schedule

After you’ve taken a break, perhaps initiating a “sex schedule” will help overcome a crappy sex life.

You’ve heard it said that practice makes perfect.

I’ve found personally that a sex schedule is extremely helpful when you have children. (I have seven). It’s also helpful if you have an hectic schedule.

A sex schedule is beneficial for both the husband and the wife. A husband knows he’s going to “get some” and a wife knows when she needs to “get in the mood.” It also thwarts any feelings of rejection associated with sex.

Men can feel secure that they will be able to enjoy time with his wife. He also won’t have to hint/beg for sex anymore. If you’ve been married for any amount of time you know the subtle ques of a husband hinting for sex. Wives can ignore these cues, making the husband feel underhandedly rejected OR experience outright rejection when he asks for sex and is told ‘no.’

You’ve heard it said that women need some time to warm up to the idea of sex. Having a schedule allows a woman to prepare herself mentally and physically for time with her husband.

If you have children, a schedule keeps you accountable to making sure the kids are all dealt with before any bedroom play ensues.

Deal with the Issues

If you find that you are just not able to get in the mood because you are super angry or harboring bitterness against your spouse, no tip or trick is going to be enough.

In fact, covering up major disappointment or resentment with sex is a BAD IDEA.

You are going to have to do the hard work of flushing out the bad stuff before any good stuff can come to your marriage bed.

This might mean reading a book together to recreate intimacy on a deeper level or going to couple’s therapy.

The Bible talks about not letting the sun go down on your anger because it let’s Satan create division in your marriage. Dealing with your anger swiftly is key to marital and sexual bliss.

Get Healthy

Sometimes health issues get in the way of our body’s natural desire for sex.

Getting regular exercise might do the trick if you are dealing with a crappy sex life.

My husband and I have picked up walking after he gets home from work. Walking together has helped us bond, get away from the chaos of the house and keeps us in shape.

Also, taking supplements like a woman’s multi-vitamin or Evening Primose Oil might aid your sex life. Many times complaints like “I’m too tired” or “I’m not in the mood” signals that there are some nutritional deficits we need to fix . There is also a supplement specifically formulated for a woman’s libido. Also, eating a balanced diet with libido enhancing foods like watermelon, dark chocolate or pine nuts can help.

If you are struggling with having orgasms or feel like you are too loose down there. Vaginal strength can be improved. I have a sex of these Kegel Weights. If you read the comments, you’ll find that women SWEAR there is a different in the power of their orgasms. That alone might make you feel like having more sex!

Practice Self Love (no…not that kind!)

Many marriage sites promote masturbation. This is NOT one of them!

I actually believe that self-gratification DETRACTS from a healthy sex life. Masturbation keeps women focused on what’s going on in her own head. That can develop a habit that causes wives to disconnect with their husband’s when the actual event takes place.

If you’ve been experiencing a crappy sex life AND you’re practicing masturbation, perhaps consider abstaining from this type of self-love and challenge yourself to work on connecting on a deeper level with TRUE self love.

True self-love is not [fore]skin deep. True self love is reminding yourself that a happy and healthy marriage AND sex life is based on something outside of everything. True self-love is rooted in who you are (and who made you).

The Bible says that:

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

When you recognize that the Creator of the Universe died for your sins…that the ULTIMATE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR died for you because you were WORTH it, only then can you really understand the pure connection between love and self.

Accepting Jesus as Savior is the first and final step to experiencing joy in ALL the areas of life…including sex with your husband.

This doesn’t mean that magically all your sex-related issues will disappear, but that you’ll have a guide (the Holy Spirit) and handbook (the Bible) to navigate your marriage from the one who created the institution in the first place.

When you know who you are (and your worth) you can truly love yourself…which leads to loving others better.

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